Technically I should be feeling happy or atleast satisfied with the way things are going these days... Yes, there is a sense of achievement. I feel I am where I so badly wanted to be a year ago when "SHIT" happened.
Life was a total mess at one point and NOW is the time to bask in the glorious victory yet I feel totally numb but then again isnt turning emotionless an achievement too? Isnt it so much better to not to be able to feel that pain again cos inside ur just so feelingless?
AK VERY Satisfied and Thanking Allah again for the MILLIONTH time!!!
Saturday 20 June 2009
Monday 15 June 2009
Ak's update on today!!
Dear bloggie,
Today was by far the worst day of my life ever since I left my job with Citi Bank and joined hands with Barclays Bank PLC. The entire year had been lovely until TODAY...*sigh* ok ok im dramatizing this as usual.. Well one of those days when I felt that I REALLY SHOULD be giving my 100% but I just felt all the energy drain out of my self.... I hate dissapointing people but I was just un able to react ... All I felt inside was defeated at being un able to go through my optimum point... Why cant supervisors take a break at times? :(
Just for the record, check out my horoscope for today which made me gape for a while and then I started laughing my ass off as to what kind of a nut im becoming to actually seek help from Astrology but this one came too close to home:
Gemini - June 15, 2009
You may be feeling a lack of motivation, dear Gemini, but don't let this get you down. You might take this as a message that you should probably just take it easy and get some rest. Don't feel like you always have to push yourself to the limit. Life is not a contest. It should be enjoyed and savored. Times of calm and rest are as vital as times of play.
Pretty cool eh? :D
- Ak back on cloud nine like always ;)
Today was by far the worst day of my life ever since I left my job with Citi Bank and joined hands with Barclays Bank PLC. The entire year had been lovely until TODAY...*sigh* ok ok im dramatizing this as usual.. Well one of those days when I felt that I REALLY SHOULD be giving my 100% but I just felt all the energy drain out of my self.... I hate dissapointing people but I was just un able to react ... All I felt inside was defeated at being un able to go through my optimum point... Why cant supervisors take a break at times? :(
Just for the record, check out my horoscope for today which made me gape for a while and then I started laughing my ass off as to what kind of a nut im becoming to actually seek help from Astrology but this one came too close to home:
Gemini - June 15, 2009
You may be feeling a lack of motivation, dear Gemini, but don't let this get you down. You might take this as a message that you should probably just take it easy and get some rest. Don't feel like you always have to push yourself to the limit. Life is not a contest. It should be enjoyed and savored. Times of calm and rest are as vital as times of play.
Pretty cool eh? :D
- Ak back on cloud nine like always ;)
Thursday 11 June 2009
My Horoscope For Today
Gemini - June 11, 2009
"Connect with those who carry you upwards and encourage your fantasies today, instead of those who try to bring you back down to reality, dear Gemini. There is a need for you to shine more brightly than usual and there is no reason why this wish should not be granted. As long as you align yourself with admirable people and noble causes, everything will work out splendidly for you, so go for it."
Im not such a strong follower of daily horoscopes and I consider my self amongst those who read it just for fun however, after going through my horoscope reading for today I felt like smiling cos this kinda relates to what's been happening around me lately.. :)
Cheers!
"Connect with those who carry you upwards and encourage your fantasies today, instead of those who try to bring you back down to reality, dear Gemini. There is a need for you to shine more brightly than usual and there is no reason why this wish should not be granted. As long as you align yourself with admirable people and noble causes, everything will work out splendidly for you, so go for it."
Im not such a strong follower of daily horoscopes and I consider my self amongst those who read it just for fun however, after going through my horoscope reading for today I felt like smiling cos this kinda relates to what's been happening around me lately.. :)
Cheers!
Tuesday 9 June 2009
Once Upon a Time in Compliance...
Compliance is an area which is generally described as dry and boring. The same is often labeled on those who work within the area of Compliance (Now this statement doesn’t exactly make me feel happy since I love my Job). So there we were one day on a typical Monday morning trying to go through those never ending emails with attachments the size of Mount Everest just begging to be reviewed and approved when we all started complaining about needing a break from this typical routine. Suddenly, Sabeen Hassan and Mona Khalid (Heading Regulatory Compliance and AML Compliance respectively) came up with an amazing idea (Ok, so it wasn’t exactly an idea of the century but it WAS something we all agreed on immediately which to me at least was a positive sign). What we came up with was spending an entire Saturday at the beach. The whole concept was just a silly joke initially and we started getting feedback from everyone on it when eventually the supposedly cool dude, yep, Mr. Bilal Rasul – Head of Financial Crimes (Don’t ya just LOVE the title?) entered and took the idea a bit too seriously and within an hour we were discussing what to arrange for lunch and getting into all the required details. At first the idea was just a small group at the beach for only people within our department but Bilal ever the genius suggested that we invite a few close friends from within B Bank as well. When everyone got to jotting down the number of possible invitees the list never seemed to come to an end keeping in mind the interactivity of Compliance with their fellow B members on a daily basis. With much editing we ended with a list of 50 people and that too of those whose names kept popping up in mind and unfortunately during the process even missed out names of some unintentionally (Though I still wonder why we were so restless while planning the whole thing – Guess it was the desperate need to run away from the work environment).
Unexpectedly a good bit of crowd showed up on the big day for which we all are thankful as the event wouldn’t have been a success without them. It was a bright and way too sunny Saturday afternoon but the excitement was definitely there. Some of our colleagues showed to enjoy with their kids, some were there just for the sake of hanging out and some were there to feel what it’s like being a fish. My first achievement of the day was convincing Saarim Hakim (Liabilities) to hit the water with me followed by which Sabeen and I decided to be a bit creative and started work on a Sand Castle which turned out to be so weird that we decided to take opinions and probed a happily walking Azam Akhtar (MT – IT) to guess what he saw before his eyes and to our absolute horror his guess was an Indian Temple so to cover up any further embarrassment Sabeen and I decided to call it a Mexican Hat (An ugly one at that!). Still desperate to come up with something Picasso would die for we decided to plunge for our next move and then it was ultimately decided to make a Mermaid out of Mr. Tariq Shakir (Risk) and we actually ended up doing a comparatively better job thanks to assistance offered by Tariq’s wife and Tariq’s amazing knowledge on female anatomy. Later, getting back to the hut we were greeted by a very enthusiastic Sara Zahid and Nida Rehman (AML and Training respectively - Compliance) trying to get people to dance on all the Desi Tracks they could come up with. Most of the people being a lil shy our interns decided to go for it and surprised us with some pretty spiffy moves especially on a Sindhi Tune which was a riot. So basically all the efforts put in by the Compliance team to make the event happening turned out to be fruitful as everyone managed to unwind at the beach and the day passed by nicely but most of all the supposedly dry people in Compliance managed to come up with something fun to do for a change.
Unexpectedly a good bit of crowd showed up on the big day for which we all are thankful as the event wouldn’t have been a success without them. It was a bright and way too sunny Saturday afternoon but the excitement was definitely there. Some of our colleagues showed to enjoy with their kids, some were there just for the sake of hanging out and some were there to feel what it’s like being a fish. My first achievement of the day was convincing Saarim Hakim (Liabilities) to hit the water with me followed by which Sabeen and I decided to be a bit creative and started work on a Sand Castle which turned out to be so weird that we decided to take opinions and probed a happily walking Azam Akhtar (MT – IT) to guess what he saw before his eyes and to our absolute horror his guess was an Indian Temple so to cover up any further embarrassment Sabeen and I decided to call it a Mexican Hat (An ugly one at that!). Still desperate to come up with something Picasso would die for we decided to plunge for our next move and then it was ultimately decided to make a Mermaid out of Mr. Tariq Shakir (Risk) and we actually ended up doing a comparatively better job thanks to assistance offered by Tariq’s wife and Tariq’s amazing knowledge on female anatomy. Later, getting back to the hut we were greeted by a very enthusiastic Sara Zahid and Nida Rehman (AML and Training respectively - Compliance) trying to get people to dance on all the Desi Tracks they could come up with. Most of the people being a lil shy our interns decided to go for it and surprised us with some pretty spiffy moves especially on a Sindhi Tune which was a riot. So basically all the efforts put in by the Compliance team to make the event happening turned out to be fruitful as everyone managed to unwind at the beach and the day passed by nicely but most of all the supposedly dry people in Compliance managed to come up with something fun to do for a change.
Sunday 7 June 2009
This coming sometime after midnight...
The woman who would somewhere be around 27 walks up the bar and sit's quitely at the corner table. Not an extraordinay looking woman yet there is something about her which makes several eyes turn towards her direction which she cooly pretends not to notice. Observing the people around her she is deeply engrossed in relating every person in the bar with people she has come across in life. Trying to block out what's happened in the past she tries concentrating on the black woman performing on stage singing some dark lonely song in a langvage which is alien to her but somehow the dark music kinda soothes her down and she relaxes herself against the couch thinking about her parents... the moments spent with her girlfreinds back in school and college...the time when she started working... falling in love for the first time... the first kiss... the betrayal... the people who had loved her at the time she was broken yet she just could never reciprocate in the same fashion... the regret of eventually loosing those people... picking up her pieces again... mistaking the enemy for a friend... making a tough decision in life... and now succesfull yet alone in this mob full of people stabbing each other behind their backs with a fake smile plastered on their faces.
She smiles to herself when she notices a woman talking to her husband on the phone while sitting on a lap of some over weight, fat, ugly bastard placing a magnificent diamond ring on her finger. Disgusted by the scene like always is the woman closes her eyes and thinks about her accomplishments... on the outside everything seem's so perfect. There is no need for romance however, she is desperate for good company. Talking to a perfect stranger would be so nice... Yes, she decides... that's exactly what she needs... to communicate with a total stranger for hours and then without any promises of future meetings she could easily walk away. Thinking about this need she wonders is those might also feel who want a body to hold just for the sake of feeling wanted? Isnt her situation similar to such people? The only difference being that in her case all she wants is a person to talk to and then to leave without getting involved and light headed... is this how that woman in the bar might also feel? To have a physical relationship with a stranger and then leave feeling sexually satisfied and walk back to her boring husband who does not even know that she exists?
The young woman sighs and walks away from the bar outside where it is raining heavily... She closes her eyes and faces up towards the sky trying to enjoy the cold splashes of water upon her tired closed eyes... All she wonders is where life will take her next... Do we even know or care about what is right or wrong anymore? Do we even have a right to judge other people through their antics in personal life? Nobody know's for sure when this journey is going to end... Can someone really get so close to someone to come up and claim that they know EVERYTHING about the other?
The woman tired of rumaging her mind heads back to her apartment and pack... She plans to head back home and talk to dear dad... she does not need a stranger... Yes, she'll talk to dad and enjoy mom's fussings and take a walk with her brother and switch off her cell phone off... Only she wonder's if it isnt too late to head back to the old haunts....
She smiles to herself when she notices a woman talking to her husband on the phone while sitting on a lap of some over weight, fat, ugly bastard placing a magnificent diamond ring on her finger. Disgusted by the scene like always is the woman closes her eyes and thinks about her accomplishments... on the outside everything seem's so perfect. There is no need for romance however, she is desperate for good company. Talking to a perfect stranger would be so nice... Yes, she decides... that's exactly what she needs... to communicate with a total stranger for hours and then without any promises of future meetings she could easily walk away. Thinking about this need she wonders is those might also feel who want a body to hold just for the sake of feeling wanted? Isnt her situation similar to such people? The only difference being that in her case all she wants is a person to talk to and then to leave without getting involved and light headed... is this how that woman in the bar might also feel? To have a physical relationship with a stranger and then leave feeling sexually satisfied and walk back to her boring husband who does not even know that she exists?
The young woman sighs and walks away from the bar outside where it is raining heavily... She closes her eyes and faces up towards the sky trying to enjoy the cold splashes of water upon her tired closed eyes... All she wonders is where life will take her next... Do we even know or care about what is right or wrong anymore? Do we even have a right to judge other people through their antics in personal life? Nobody know's for sure when this journey is going to end... Can someone really get so close to someone to come up and claim that they know EVERYTHING about the other?
The woman tired of rumaging her mind heads back to her apartment and pack... She plans to head back home and talk to dear dad... she does not need a stranger... Yes, she'll talk to dad and enjoy mom's fussings and take a walk with her brother and switch off her cell phone off... Only she wonder's if it isnt too late to head back to the old haunts....
Friday 5 June 2009
AK Versus The Goodie Two Shoes
Dear Mom and Dad,
Why was I born and raised differently from my brothers? Education was always my passion then why was my brother sent to an expensive institution without even wishing for it and in comparison why was I sent off to some local college so that my brother's educational expenses could be covered? Why was I never encouraged to go for my Master's Degree programme and brother was always FORCED to do so along withbeing faciliated with appropriate educational expenses aswell?? Why was I never patted on my back upon my first cooked meal or the time when I took the initiative of taking charge of the hoouse hold activities? Why was I married off to a total stranger who wasnt even attractive for me? Was it due to some sort of a lack from my end? I am not complaining but... I just wish you people would have asked or atleast would have wanted to know what I REALLY wanted... I will always love you both.
With lots of Love like always,
Your Farmaanburdaar Daughter
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey Amma and Abba,
Why was I raised exactly like my brother??? Education has always been a priority but then when I started horseshitting with my career and got side tracked from aiming for my masters why could you just slap me hard across the face to come to my bloody senses that are usually sleeping??? (<-- This directed at Amma). Dad, When I first wanted to run away on a truck with a guitar and be all hippie at age 15 why didnt you ever even bothered REACTING to the suggestion back then? (Knowing you, you probably thought Im such a LOTA i'd eventually forget about going hippie and find something equally useless and worthless to keep me busy!!! Why do you two always act so smart that you know me so well??? Im sure you guys threw up when I first made that terrible BLACK TEA. Why couldnt you guys just tell me that it was terrible??? Why did your jaws dropped to the floors when I offered to do the dishes last week? (Well... I offered to clear the table atleast!) Why arent you guys bothered about my getting married off somewhere probably this year (Yeah thanks to you ma!) and not being able to be a good MUSHARAKEE BIWI??
I would really appreciate if you guys would keep reminding me once in a blue moon how STUPID I can be most of the times! (And lucky to have you guys)
With lots of huggies and slobbery kisses,
Your one and only ;)MWAAAAAAAAAH!
Thursday 4 June 2009
This coming from AAK from work!
Who is to blame for a person being extremely restless, panicky, temperamental and plain stupid????
Can ANYONE PLEASE tell me what positive traits I posess??? Isnt there a single good thing in me? I HATE IT when my family rolls their eyes at me and say 'Oh that's you being confused again' or 'I TOLD YOU SO!!' Dont you just hate it when people at work underestimate you and ... and.... Ah! Forget it!
I HATE IT I HATE ITTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!
Bloody Regards,
AAK (ANGRY ANNIE KHALID in case ur all wondering what this stands for! But what the heck I wanted to end this post sounding cool (h)) - And i really DONT care if people roll their eyes at me on this and say "We KNEW you would say something like that!!"
Can ANYONE PLEASE tell me what positive traits I posess??? Isnt there a single good thing in me? I HATE IT when my family rolls their eyes at me and say 'Oh that's you being confused again' or 'I TOLD YOU SO!!' Dont you just hate it when people at work underestimate you and ... and.... Ah! Forget it!
I HATE IT I HATE ITTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!
Bloody Regards,
AAK (ANGRY ANNIE KHALID in case ur all wondering what this stands for! But what the heck I wanted to end this post sounding cool (h)) - And i really DONT care if people roll their eyes at me on this and say "We KNEW you would say something like that!!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
