Stress and tension in life occur when one welcomes the same. I firmly believe that 95% of what happens in our lives is due to our own actions.
Almost every day I assess myself and this habit helps me take decisions on personal and professional levels both. People who have left me due to whichever reason still manage to hurt me one way or the other because I myself have maintained some kind of a contact with them so I blame my self for the additional pain. Similarly people who I consider my friends are just not able to understand me and take even the minorist thing I say a bit too seriously often throw a remark or opinion about me which really hurts. My bad is that why am I listening to such people or letting them effect me in anyway especially since I know I havent performed any evil trick on them? If they dont understand my sense of humour or I dont understand their's for that matter than what's the point of knowing each other when we actually DONT know each other?
Just last to last night while offering my prayers this sudden realization just hit me that I CAN actually control what I feel. Maybe I am just too tired these days that I absolutely refuse to hear sarcastic comments thrown towards me. You know why? It's because I just dont care!! I am 23. I have a perfectly beautiful career ahead of me. My family loves and is proud of me. I have a whole life ahead of me... Besides if somebody shoots me today and I die would all that I have here really matter? It isnt as if I am taking my award certificate to my grave... even if I do the rats would nibble it out anyways!!! (Okhay so for a second I got a very weird image in mind - On second thoughts I am NOT ready to die because my dear God has blessed me a lot!!)
People come and go in your life. I am tired of maintaining relationships. I am tired of even making the smallest of effort! For once I am gonna sit back, do my thing and wait for is left in store for me. Next time I see a crying face telling me what a BITCH I am for no apparent reason trust me I will kill that person on the spot.
As I go through this lil entry of mine I realise this is an unhappy post indeed but I want to put an end to this blog right here right NOW this moment! I am moving to wordpress and it feels sad to stop working on this blog but I decided I wanted to change everything so this baby should come to an end aswell.
It was fun working on this lil blog of mine.
Cheers,
AK signing out forever!
Wednesday, 4 November 2009
Monday, 2 November 2009
FRIENDS!!!!!!!
Originally I had thought of writing down something really sickeningly sweet and emotional for my freinds as tonight I have been going through old blogs where freinds commented, old photographs of times when life was plain silly and we were simply stupid and used to try to act cool cheweing gums and all ... :D But somehow I feel words just cant be enough to define what a freind really is so I decided to be more practical and simply list down the names of those who mean to me and I want to keep as my freinds till the day i die...
(Before I start please note that i am NOT jotting down names in order of preference. I'll write names as they keep on popping up to mind - And remember that I love you guys equally and u guys are great cos u mean something to me!)
Ayesha Kamran Khan
Rahat Salman
Nuha Usman
Sana Khurshid
Omer Arshad
Aamir Haroon Manghi
Lubna Shahid
Marina Khan
Amna Khushnud
Nida Aslam
Maryam Hassan Rizvi
Zehra Hassan Rizvi
It's amazing really how large a circle of freinds a person might have but the above listed people are the one's who have really touched my heart at some point of my life and it doesnt really matter if we arent in touch anymore... I love you guys!
Saturday, 31 October 2009
Excitement, Anxiety, Nervousness - All Together and ME!!!
My current state of mind is pretty screwed up at the moment. I feel restless todo something constructive!!! I am so SOOO SOOOOOOOOOOoOOOO looking forward to next week... I have never felt so giddy with excitement, anxiousness and nervosness before!
My heart is beating at a much MUCH MUCHHHH faster pace, my mind for the first time kinds agrees with me and tomorrow i.e Sunday seems as if it's never gonna come and go! To kill some time have a look at the "art" I have been working on. Well it's not what I would call serious art (and I swear if my art teachers would see this they would snatch away and shred my bachelors degree - Fine arts was one of my majors by the way!) but what the heck I am excited!!!
- AK with finger crossed and smiling at God!
My heart is beating at a much MUCH MUCHHHH faster pace, my mind for the first time kinds agrees with me and tomorrow i.e Sunday seems as if it's never gonna come and go! To kill some time have a look at the "art" I have been working on. Well it's not what I would call serious art (and I swear if my art teachers would see this they would snatch away and shred my bachelors degree - Fine arts was one of my majors by the way!) but what the heck I am excited!!!
- AK with finger crossed and smiling at God!
Friday, 30 October 2009
It's a BIG Crazy World!!!
Yep! I dont really believe in when people say "Oh it's a small small world!" Trust me this statement is BULL!!! In AK's world the truly accurate statement would be "Oh it's a HUGE and quite CRAZY world!!" You see, this globe we have proudly named The Earth is filled with morons and whacky people.
I thought good education was supposed to broaden an individual's perspective towards life and people around him / her. Trust me all the education in the world can NEVER change what goes into this COCONUT we have for a head!
At work I am open and freindly with people within my department only. Dont get me wrong, I am not some anti social person but I prefer keeping an arm's length distance with people I dont really have to interact with - AGAIn, i am not trying to give an impression that I am very choosy, it's just that I take time in reaching a certain comfort level with people. So anyways, as I was saying I am totally not in very open and warm freindly terms with people outside the area of Compliance (<-- that's what my pesky dpt is called!) Having said that, I dress to please my self and my sense of dressing is not usually what is "IN" during the current days. I rather prefer dressing up in something which I find looks trendy and smart on me. If I am not up for dressing up then I simply wear whatever I feel comfortable in. Now coming over to point number three, I have been raised by parents who believe a female should have as equal rights as man and so going through childhood and then my teens to reaching where I stand at 23 today I have never really had to face an incident whereby I feel I am inferior to a man. I love my friends and never hesitate to show my affection towards them or my family. I have a lot of guy freinds who I would define as pure "buddies" and the reason why we are freinds is that we all share common interests. When some guy passing by finds me cute (yep I am pretty too for some people! :P) and smiles at me I dont feel a faint blush creeping up my face and accept the appreciation with a slight nod (And that too if the guy is cute else I pretend he's not even there! Okhay so I am being bitchy but being in the current mood and this being MY blog I have every right to be one)I am not some mighty female character out of that "MEAN GIRLS" movie who you would love to hate and secretly think "DAMN she's HOT" and yes I have come across times where I have been put to my place with a classic insult from some very rare intelligent individual when I am being VERY bitchy and annoying. I come across my time of pride too when I put someone on his or her place by throwing some really juicy sarcastic remark if that person annoys me!
Now just go through what I have written above and tell me honestly keeping in view my flaws and good points (if any) do I really give an impression of a female who would be very "EASY" to approach <- just for your information, somebody commented about my being all this just because last week at work a colleague dropped by who also happens to be a freind and unfortunately a GUY, shook hands with me as a gesture to say "hello" and that was that!
I usually pass by the office kitchen to request one of the peons to make me a warm cup of coffee as I cannot tolerate the extremely high airconditions being run on the premises and I see a fellow colleague standing at the corner for a smoke so as I pass by him I say "Hi" and chat for less than a minute and SOMEBODY commented that drugs and hard drinks are not a problem for THIS girl (What the %&#$%#%$#&^%$@%$???)
I am sitting with a group of people where a topic of AIDS and other sexual related diseases comes up and I share whatever limited knowledge I have on the topic and I get to hear -> "I am telling you boss, the girls got experience" (!!!)
The MOST saddest part in this story is that I get to hear this from a resource which is famous on the floors for being majorly dramatic and a queen of gossip. Also specializes in putting two and two together and usually coming up to five!
In all honesty whether what I have been told is true or not all that come's to mind is that what did all these people achieve in earning themselves degrees in Business Administration, Charetered Accountacy or Economics?
- Ak leaves this blog for the readers (If any *errr*) with a BIG, SAD and DRAMATIC *sigh*
I thought good education was supposed to broaden an individual's perspective towards life and people around him / her. Trust me all the education in the world can NEVER change what goes into this COCONUT we have for a head!
At work I am open and freindly with people within my department only. Dont get me wrong, I am not some anti social person but I prefer keeping an arm's length distance with people I dont really have to interact with - AGAIn, i am not trying to give an impression that I am very choosy, it's just that I take time in reaching a certain comfort level with people. So anyways, as I was saying I am totally not in very open and warm freindly terms with people outside the area of Compliance (<-- that's what my pesky dpt is called!) Having said that, I dress to please my self and my sense of dressing is not usually what is "IN" during the current days. I rather prefer dressing up in something which I find looks trendy and smart on me. If I am not up for dressing up then I simply wear whatever I feel comfortable in. Now coming over to point number three, I have been raised by parents who believe a female should have as equal rights as man and so going through childhood and then my teens to reaching where I stand at 23 today I have never really had to face an incident whereby I feel I am inferior to a man. I love my friends and never hesitate to show my affection towards them or my family. I have a lot of guy freinds who I would define as pure "buddies" and the reason why we are freinds is that we all share common interests. When some guy passing by finds me cute (yep I am pretty too for some people! :P) and smiles at me I dont feel a faint blush creeping up my face and accept the appreciation with a slight nod (And that too if the guy is cute else I pretend he's not even there! Okhay so I am being bitchy but being in the current mood and this being MY blog I have every right to be one)I am not some mighty female character out of that "MEAN GIRLS" movie who you would love to hate and secretly think "DAMN she's HOT" and yes I have come across times where I have been put to my place with a classic insult from some very rare intelligent individual when I am being VERY bitchy and annoying. I come across my time of pride too when I put someone on his or her place by throwing some really juicy sarcastic remark if that person annoys me!
Now just go through what I have written above and tell me honestly keeping in view my flaws and good points (if any) do I really give an impression of a female who would be very "EASY" to approach <- just for your information, somebody commented about my being all this just because last week at work a colleague dropped by who also happens to be a freind and unfortunately a GUY, shook hands with me as a gesture to say "hello" and that was that!
I usually pass by the office kitchen to request one of the peons to make me a warm cup of coffee as I cannot tolerate the extremely high airconditions being run on the premises and I see a fellow colleague standing at the corner for a smoke so as I pass by him I say "Hi" and chat for less than a minute and SOMEBODY commented that drugs and hard drinks are not a problem for THIS girl (What the %&#$%#%$#&^%$@%$???)
I am sitting with a group of people where a topic of AIDS and other sexual related diseases comes up and I share whatever limited knowledge I have on the topic and I get to hear -> "I am telling you boss, the girls got experience" (!!!)
The MOST saddest part in this story is that I get to hear this from a resource which is famous on the floors for being majorly dramatic and a queen of gossip. Also specializes in putting two and two together and usually coming up to five!
In all honesty whether what I have been told is true or not all that come's to mind is that what did all these people achieve in earning themselves degrees in Business Administration, Charetered Accountacy or Economics?
- Ak leaves this blog for the readers (If any *errr*) with a BIG, SAD and DRAMATIC *sigh*
Sunday, 11 October 2009
A Dear Diary Kinda Post
Dear Bloggie,
As usual I spent part of my day thanking Allah for all that I have. Im not trying to pose as an "Oh so humble and religious person" (If you would have seen my mom lecturing me on dressing earlier in the morning you would know what I am talking about)but yes lately I keep realizing how fortunate I am. Weirdly so I started wondering today when I would finally get the hell out of this world and see what it'slike up there and amazingly for the first time this thought didnt crate a shudder within my body like it always used to do...
Anyyyway! I think the above para sounded a bit too philosophical but was voicing out my thoughts. So basically something I wrote on my OTHER blog I am maintaining at Wordpress got published in our Barclays newsletter "eBarc" so "yiipeee!"
Work is going pretty smooth and I am getting along fine with every one (Ok so that sounded as I am some high school nut but what the heck! Life aint really so bad)
My mom made memake FISH today for dinner and trust me after seeing a proper fish being cut off and cleaned and then prepared for cooking I absolutely REFUSE to go near a fish resturaunt anymore. I am sick to my head just thinking about eating a fish! Blech!
- AK with her usual business signing off
As usual I spent part of my day thanking Allah for all that I have. Im not trying to pose as an "Oh so humble and religious person" (If you would have seen my mom lecturing me on dressing earlier in the morning you would know what I am talking about)but yes lately I keep realizing how fortunate I am. Weirdly so I started wondering today when I would finally get the hell out of this world and see what it'slike up there and amazingly for the first time this thought didnt crate a shudder within my body like it always used to do...
Anyyyway! I think the above para sounded a bit too philosophical but was voicing out my thoughts. So basically something I wrote on my OTHER blog I am maintaining at Wordpress got published in our Barclays newsletter "eBarc" so "yiipeee!"
Work is going pretty smooth and I am getting along fine with every one (Ok so that sounded as I am some high school nut but what the heck! Life aint really so bad)
My mom made memake FISH today for dinner and trust me after seeing a proper fish being cut off and cleaned and then prepared for cooking I absolutely REFUSE to go near a fish resturaunt anymore. I am sick to my head just thinking about eating a fish! Blech!
- AK with her usual business signing off
Monday, 5 October 2009
SHEMALE!
Quite an interesting topic for my blog isn’t it? Relax I am not going to post anything X rated here. I have had an extremely long and tiring day at work today. The temperature in Karachi city is running really hot these days so air conditioners are being used in full swing in my office these days. I am placed at the head office and we have a big floor where most departments except a few are segregated with workstations only. It’s fun to sit like this though as you can easily take a break and have a good chat with a colleague from another department without attracting attention. Anyway the floor being all open the ACs were turned on to the highest level which actually started giving me muscular pains (Ever since I joined this organization a year back I have been going through this problem and the result is that there is no AC / room cooler in my room anymore).
Anyways, suffering from the muscular pain, deadly tired due to excessive work and hungry as well I was completely drained out and waiting for my brother to come and pick me from work who took his good time in reaching my office as he first had to shower, then get in touch with his fiancé via SMS, select the “right” CD to listen in the car while driving towards me etc. Fortunately he only showed up 20 minutes late which wasn’t too bad so I skipped the steps happily down the building at exactly 9:30 PM then sat through the torture of listening to my brothers discovery of new health clubs where he never goes but likes to brag about anyway! He wouldn’t even let me listen to the radio and If I would sit quietly even for 20 seconds he would start looking at me say, “Hain? Hain? Bolo! Bolo na! What do u think???” and then I had to take the pains in moving my head in a nod. When we finally reached home the first thing I did was hug my dad as usual then kissed my mom on the forehead and headed towards my room to take a nice long shower, came out, quietly had my dinner as I just couldn’t bring my self to start a conversation with anyone cos I was just too tired. And as I now sit relaxed wearing my fave black tank top with my blue pair of Pajama’s I cant help feeling how a tired man after a horribly busy day at work would feel after reaching home. I can totally understand a man’s need to be want to be left alone for some peace and quiet. How they must hate to have their wives yelling at them to sit and talk and hear them about what wonderful cloths and jewelery they saw at Tariq Road or what her neighbor friend purchased for her living room. Trust me, all that would make a man happy would be to be greeted with a smiling face, a nice warm meal, comfortable cloths ready after he takes a shower followed by a nice cup of hot tea and a slight head massage from his wife while he enjoys his tea. My self being a die hard feminist, under normal circumstances I would have voiced in favor of women about how they spend the whole day looking after their home and children and not being properly able to speak to their husbands all day. I would have taken a woman’s side on her sentiments for wanting to yabber all her day’s episode to her husband cos basically she DID miss her husband all day and deserves his attention. But if she makes her husband happy by soothing his nerves wouldn’t he WANT to come back to his wife and spend time in her company every night? Besides Sunday’s and Saturday evenings are good enough for some good family and friend’s outings right?
In case you guys are still wondering what the topic of this blog has got to do with this entry is… well me being a FEMALE actually understanding the GUY perspective… you understand what Im saying?
A lazily smiling AK
Monday, 28 September 2009
My Horoscope - Monday September 28th 2009
Gemini - September 28, 2009
An increased focus, clarity of mind, and sense of concentration could lead to success in career matters and an increase in income, dear Gemini. Intuitive insights can provide practical guidance that helps you along the path of advancement. A friend could give you some good advice with regard to savings plans, investments, or a more efficient use of your resources. This could be a fruitful day, opening up new doors for you. Make the most of it!
After going through the bestest motivational factor required at a lil incident at work today I am bound to really start believing in this Zodiac thing.
AK on Cloud Nine!
An increased focus, clarity of mind, and sense of concentration could lead to success in career matters and an increase in income, dear Gemini. Intuitive insights can provide practical guidance that helps you along the path of advancement. A friend could give you some good advice with regard to savings plans, investments, or a more efficient use of your resources. This could be a fruitful day, opening up new doors for you. Make the most of it!
After going through the bestest motivational factor required at a lil incident at work today I am bound to really start believing in this Zodiac thing.
AK on Cloud Nine!
Sunday, 27 September 2009
Monday, 21 September 2009
Basically in a nice mood
I had a pretty detailed discussion with my family last night which has made me get into some serious thinking mode. We had all gotten back from my grandmother's place after having dinner. The evening had been nice. A typical first Eid day at Nano's which we all look forward to. If you take a closer look at both my maternal and paternal side of the family you would notice that we have a greater number of women then men. Reason why im sharing this piece of information here is that girls being in majority we basically LOVE getting together on such occasions to check out what everyone is wearing and who has the best designed hena. Some of my cousins looked adorable wearning light baby colours, some had on amazing jewlery and my self was labelled as the expert on eye makeup (Yes I had on a bit more then a teensy weensy makeup last night which every one found unusual but complimented me on the good job I had done)- Anyways, the dinner went pretty well. My grandma looked totally cute wearing precious piece of hair clips made out of stones which Maham and Mahira (My 2nd Uncles two elder daughters) had forced on her. Afer my Grandfather's death I have never seen my Nano wear anything colorful and my grandpa died when I was an 8 month old fat baby so you can imagine it's been 23 years since I have seen my grandma in greys, browns and whites only.
Ok so im getting side tracked again. It's just that it felt good to get together with the maternal side of the family last night (Not forgetting the fact that it felt recieving cash without working my ass off on customer account, branch audits, staff training, making presentations and analysis and going through AML transactions). We got back home around 11:30ish and my dad had this new DVD called "The Secret". I am not going to put in details regarding what I saw and learnt as I plan to start a new blog sometime soon and such kind of topics I would best leave for that blog. After sitting and chatting with ma, pa and bro for two hours I went to bed and was woken up by bro at 6:00 am in the morning to offer my Fajar prayers and then later go out for jogging. I have always thought that watching sunset is the most romantic thing however when I saw the SUN RISE today it gave me a totally different feeling. Yes watching sun set is STILL romantic in my books but the effect which watching sun rise leaves on a being is incredible (Atleast for me it is). I started taking in the fresh oxygene (Trust me this is a rarity in a city like Karachi) and lightly jogged completing 10 laps. It felt great. I was humming to my self and blocked out all the negative thoughts from mind and simply looked forward to what I have and plan to achieve.
The only reason why I am writing this blog on this early hour of the morning is that just being out there in the fresh made me get in to the writing mood and I really felt like sharing my thoughts here.
Ok so my brother is standing on my head and demanding a good breakfast so I guess I better end this entry right here. Will be posting my new blog soon.
AK - Looking forward to having some coffee with Bagels on this bee--OO--Tee--FULL morning :)
Ok so im getting side tracked again. It's just that it felt good to get together with the maternal side of the family last night (Not forgetting the fact that it felt recieving cash without working my ass off on customer account, branch audits, staff training, making presentations and analysis and going through AML transactions). We got back home around 11:30ish and my dad had this new DVD called "The Secret". I am not going to put in details regarding what I saw and learnt as I plan to start a new blog sometime soon and such kind of topics I would best leave for that blog. After sitting and chatting with ma, pa and bro for two hours I went to bed and was woken up by bro at 6:00 am in the morning to offer my Fajar prayers and then later go out for jogging. I have always thought that watching sunset is the most romantic thing however when I saw the SUN RISE today it gave me a totally different feeling. Yes watching sun set is STILL romantic in my books but the effect which watching sun rise leaves on a being is incredible (Atleast for me it is). I started taking in the fresh oxygene (Trust me this is a rarity in a city like Karachi) and lightly jogged completing 10 laps. It felt great. I was humming to my self and blocked out all the negative thoughts from mind and simply looked forward to what I have and plan to achieve.
The only reason why I am writing this blog on this early hour of the morning is that just being out there in the fresh made me get in to the writing mood and I really felt like sharing my thoughts here.
Ok so my brother is standing on my head and demanding a good breakfast so I guess I better end this entry right here. Will be posting my new blog soon.
AK - Looking forward to having some coffee with Bagels on this bee--OO--Tee--FULL morning :)
Sunday, 20 September 2009
AK on Chaand Raat
So ends the holy month of Ramadan finally. The month passed by so smoothly and peacefully this year that I didn’t even realize it that tomorrow is going to be the first day of Eid therefore that makes tonight the beautiful and always exciting chaand raat. My dress for tomorrow is a combination of dark and light green. If you could see the kind of jewelry I purchased to go with it you would definitely be in for a shock but what the heck I want to give myself a traditional look this year. Now for those who know the way I dress would get a horrendous image in mind but I’ll post the pictures soon and then see what they think.
The traffic outside in the City is worth watching. My dad and brother always get irritated on taking us (Me and mom) out on Chaan Raat but I have always enjoyed seeing the mob. I just love watching women and kids doing their last minute shopping, trying to find the EXACT shade of bangles to go with their Eid Joraa’s. I suppose it’s a girl thing which a guy wouldn’t understand similarly how women don’t understand a man not paying attention to his wife / girlfriend on a football / cricket night.
The only thing that’s bothering me right now is getting back to work after the eid holidays. I had gotten so used to leaving work at 4. Now going back to the normal 9 to 6 routine where your boss wouldn’t leave you before 8:00 PM is too depressing to even think about right now which reminds me I haven’t applied henna as yet. Gotta go for now. Have a great Eid guys! *hugs*
Saturday, 19 September 2009
Anti Airport
Today Saturday, August 22, 2009 I Quratulain Binte Khalid Riaz Ahmed declares my dislike for airports. I had never realized this before today when Omer took me to the airport to gaze at the undoubtedly beautiful view ahead as the airplanes took off and landed before us. The idea was to relax and have some serious “creative discussion” at a place where one is forced to “think” like an artist which I believe we both are in our own ways.
The moment we had entered the parking area of Jinnah Terminal I felt a very old yet familiar feeling of depression coming over me and my mind immediately drifted back to last year when I had travelled to Lahore from Karachi to conduct an audit for a branch our Bank had opened in Lahore a while ago. Trying to still calm myself by silently assuring myself that all is in the past now I still couldn’t drive that uneasy feeling out of my heart. It all really depends on how you look at things actually. To some, like my friend Omer, a positive feeling comes when he sees the passengers eagerly waiting for their relatives or friends to reach the destination after a long wait and also those who bid their loved one’s goodbye with tears in their eyes (in fact we even tried imitating how people cry when departing a loved one right there at the centre of the airport with people giving us both a strange look). Anyways, for me the entire scene is actually very depressing. Like being pulled away from the people you love, places you have a million memories with your friends and family etc. Whenever I am there I feel alone and gazing at the plane flying away saddens me as I feel that it pulls a person away from the solid earth where he/she had once been so happy.
I see a man flying in that plane on his way to a lover selfishly leaving behind a broken heart. I see a young girl flying away in search of a distraction from someone who has so willingly and happily left her for someone who offers him wealth instead of the immense love the girl so honestly gave. I see people eagerly flying off to a destination in hope of striking rich in the new land leaving behind friends and family shedding tears after them.
Gone are the days when I used to be so excited about watching a plane fly.
AK filled with grieve...
The moment we had entered the parking area of Jinnah Terminal I felt a very old yet familiar feeling of depression coming over me and my mind immediately drifted back to last year when I had travelled to Lahore from Karachi to conduct an audit for a branch our Bank had opened in Lahore a while ago. Trying to still calm myself by silently assuring myself that all is in the past now I still couldn’t drive that uneasy feeling out of my heart. It all really depends on how you look at things actually. To some, like my friend Omer, a positive feeling comes when he sees the passengers eagerly waiting for their relatives or friends to reach the destination after a long wait and also those who bid their loved one’s goodbye with tears in their eyes (in fact we even tried imitating how people cry when departing a loved one right there at the centre of the airport with people giving us both a strange look). Anyways, for me the entire scene is actually very depressing. Like being pulled away from the people you love, places you have a million memories with your friends and family etc. Whenever I am there I feel alone and gazing at the plane flying away saddens me as I feel that it pulls a person away from the solid earth where he/she had once been so happy.
I see a man flying in that plane on his way to a lover selfishly leaving behind a broken heart. I see a young girl flying away in search of a distraction from someone who has so willingly and happily left her for someone who offers him wealth instead of the immense love the girl so honestly gave. I see people eagerly flying off to a destination in hope of striking rich in the new land leaving behind friends and family shedding tears after them.
Gone are the days when I used to be so excited about watching a plane fly.
AK filled with grieve...
Friday, 21 August 2009
AK's Optimistic Solution
I have been having some interesting and pretty deep conversations with people I think have been born with a brain of finer quality then the one gifted to me. Over the past couple of weeks I was wrapped in the feeling of being rejected and hated for reasons I don’t find fit to be published here. I have come to some conclusions and facts about human psychology and the way they expect and deserve to be treated…
Daddy dearest and I were having a stroll a couple of days back enjoying the breeze of a typical Karachi evening while I shared my thoughts with him. Like always he put his arm around my shoulder and gave that wonderful speech of how proud he is of the little accomplishments I have made in life but then noticing that I was actually very serious he simply explained the law of attraction saying, “It is human nature to run after those who are not attracted to them and to draw themselves away from those who are dying for their company”. Seeing the look on my face he further said, “The best life partner for you is somebody who loves you rather then somebody who you love. Don’t you think you would be able to love somebody later on when you see the way he showers you with affection?” I honestly had no answers and stared moodily ahead pondering over what he was trying to tell me. As I write this a very old saying comes to mind which is “A friend in need is a friend indeed”. Now if I think about it exactly how many supposed “friends” have been there at the time of my need? “Need” here does not specifically mean money but what I am emphasizing on is just a shoulder to cry on or a ear to listen whenever my heart feels remorseful.
We as human beings have been gifted with a brain which is meant to be used but unfortunately the world and the lifestyle we live is just so commercial that we never really sit for a while and think over stuff and the kind of relationships we are running since we are so busy thinking what car to purchase, how lavish should we throw our next birthday party, what new dress to be worn at ABC’s function etc.
If I think about the times when I have seriously needed a shoulder to cry on I can’t really jot down a list of “friends” who stood up immediately. In fact nobody ever has the time to listen to “bull shit” as most practical people like to call it. If I follow this strategy of selecting friends then I really don’t think I have more than 4 or 5 friends who genuinely are my friends. Thinking over this piece I still feel I am Alhamdulillah better off than most as in this fast world I really don’t think people have what you can really call a “friend”. Merely passing a statement that somebody is a “friend” does not make him or her a friend.
Similarly if in a relationship is it fair for just one party to be chasing after the other? I have seen couples whereby after a certain time period the guy or the girl looses interest in their partner and is usually indifferent towards everything the other does or say. Are such relationships even worthy of making an effort for? On this I was told that it’s wise to let your other half walk away if he or she is simply not interested in you anymore (After making reasonable effort to regain that love of course) because trying to stay glued to someone who is simply not interested is a waste. Similarly making one self miserable after those who do not love you is also a mere waste of time and energy. Instead we should learn to be happy with what we have.
As for the happiness we are so badly looking for… well I am sure somebody up there is keeping a track of our desires and if we pray with an open honest heart I am sure HE will make sure that we eventually get what we want.
Oh and yeah... the idea is to keep on counting your blessings and to stay happy as hell! ;)
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
All excited and so much to look forward to...
Like always I have a bundle of activities at hand and absolutely NO time to finish off any. Since I am on my annual leave from work these days so assuming I had plenty of time at hand I started work on my old pending paintings, new sketches, bought a few Sidney Sheldon, Judith Mcnaught and Danielle Steel books, 8 Hollywood movie DVDs and completing my photo albums for the family. As usual my main aim which was to learn guitar and driving got lost somewhere between this list of additional things (Now I know a certain somebody who would go through this blog would say "I told you so or I knew so" but i'll feign ignorance :P)
Anyways, my days at home are going pretty good. Just last to last night I took a long walk with dad - just me and him and we were discussing our fave books and authors (Also the guys I used to have a crush on back when I had started working) when suddenly I told abba what has been running through my mind for the past one month which was about starting to write my very own novel to which he immediately offered support (Yep, he's gonna be the best man in my wedding - Love you daddy *huggies*) As usual after earning his approval and knowing that im still daddy's princess I am sleeping over the idea about writing that novel :P
Another source of excitement are the 15 new suits I got from my tailor today. Man this is so bloody exciting. I even purchased matching nail colours with every single dress (Now i know i really aint that girly but what the heck I have so much spare time up my you-know-what)I plan to make a "MEAN GIRL" The movie kinda entrance back to work after my leave (Nah nah no hottie there im trying to impress - It's just to motivate my self to start work with a fresh, happy and willing mind)
The best thing is that when I get back to work everything WOULD seem special as Ramadaan would have started. The holy month where you are expected to pay attentiion to other things less as compared to All Mighty Lord :) I have already started making a list of what I want and a list of things I have to thank HIM for :)
Cheers,
AK giddy with excitment! :D
Thursday, 13 August 2009
MUSICOLOGY
I have discovered the RIGHT remedy for maintaining FOCUS at work. Constantly going through customer’s transactions / important reading material or policies can be a bit tiresome at times especially if one is required to keep ears blocked out from all the gossips and snipping remarks thrown by some MC’s and BC’s at work, blocking out stupid baseless jokes by the senior resources where u are also expected to laugh and respond to accordingly even if u don’t feel like it (Which is the case most of the time!)
Just a month ago I discovered that the idea was simply to go DUMB! A good colleague who sits right next to me brought his new mobile (Nokia Express Music) and had earplugs on. The other day I requested him to show me his playlist and transferred some of my all time fave tracks to my phone via Bluetooth. I decided to follow the same and started to work and amazingly that was one day without any argument, resentment and disappointment. I was happily working and nodding my head, smiling at those who passed by and yet managed to finish off work within reasonable time. One of the KING Jerks tried passing a sadistic remark and I even passed on that giving a FUCK OFF LOOSER look to him and carried on with my work as I was enjoying my work.
The best thing is that some of the other people in my department also noticed and requested for songs and shared their own collection. Now almost every one’s been following the same while working and all seems to be good and “peaceful” - Comparatively at least.
Whoever said that music is pure distraction?
DR AK approving her analysis – Cheers!
Just a month ago I discovered that the idea was simply to go DUMB! A good colleague who sits right next to me brought his new mobile (Nokia Express Music) and had earplugs on. The other day I requested him to show me his playlist and transferred some of my all time fave tracks to my phone via Bluetooth. I decided to follow the same and started to work and amazingly that was one day without any argument, resentment and disappointment. I was happily working and nodding my head, smiling at those who passed by and yet managed to finish off work within reasonable time. One of the KING Jerks tried passing a sadistic remark and I even passed on that giving a FUCK OFF LOOSER look to him and carried on with my work as I was enjoying my work.
The best thing is that some of the other people in my department also noticed and requested for songs and shared their own collection. Now almost every one’s been following the same while working and all seems to be good and “peaceful” - Comparatively at least.
Whoever said that music is pure distraction?
DR AK approving her analysis – Cheers!
Thursday, 2 July 2009
AK - All Smiles :)
Ok so this might be one pointless post but I really needed to read something like what a freind wrote in his blog recently so I thought of sharing it here:
http://omerarshad.blogspot.com/2009/06/negativity.html
Happy shappy AK :)
http://omerarshad.blogspot.com/2009/06/negativity.html
Happy shappy AK :)
Saturday, 20 June 2009
Emotionless Freak!
Technically I should be feeling happy or atleast satisfied with the way things are going these days... Yes, there is a sense of achievement. I feel I am where I so badly wanted to be a year ago when "SHIT" happened.
Life was a total mess at one point and NOW is the time to bask in the glorious victory yet I feel totally numb but then again isnt turning emotionless an achievement too? Isnt it so much better to not to be able to feel that pain again cos inside ur just so feelingless?
AK VERY Satisfied and Thanking Allah again for the MILLIONTH time!!!
Life was a total mess at one point and NOW is the time to bask in the glorious victory yet I feel totally numb but then again isnt turning emotionless an achievement too? Isnt it so much better to not to be able to feel that pain again cos inside ur just so feelingless?
AK VERY Satisfied and Thanking Allah again for the MILLIONTH time!!!
Monday, 15 June 2009
Ak's update on today!!
Dear bloggie,
Today was by far the worst day of my life ever since I left my job with Citi Bank and joined hands with Barclays Bank PLC. The entire year had been lovely until TODAY...*sigh* ok ok im dramatizing this as usual.. Well one of those days when I felt that I REALLY SHOULD be giving my 100% but I just felt all the energy drain out of my self.... I hate dissapointing people but I was just un able to react ... All I felt inside was defeated at being un able to go through my optimum point... Why cant supervisors take a break at times? :(
Just for the record, check out my horoscope for today which made me gape for a while and then I started laughing my ass off as to what kind of a nut im becoming to actually seek help from Astrology but this one came too close to home:
Gemini - June 15, 2009
You may be feeling a lack of motivation, dear Gemini, but don't let this get you down. You might take this as a message that you should probably just take it easy and get some rest. Don't feel like you always have to push yourself to the limit. Life is not a contest. It should be enjoyed and savored. Times of calm and rest are as vital as times of play.
Pretty cool eh? :D
- Ak back on cloud nine like always ;)
Today was by far the worst day of my life ever since I left my job with Citi Bank and joined hands with Barclays Bank PLC. The entire year had been lovely until TODAY...*sigh* ok ok im dramatizing this as usual.. Well one of those days when I felt that I REALLY SHOULD be giving my 100% but I just felt all the energy drain out of my self.... I hate dissapointing people but I was just un able to react ... All I felt inside was defeated at being un able to go through my optimum point... Why cant supervisors take a break at times? :(
Just for the record, check out my horoscope for today which made me gape for a while and then I started laughing my ass off as to what kind of a nut im becoming to actually seek help from Astrology but this one came too close to home:
Gemini - June 15, 2009
You may be feeling a lack of motivation, dear Gemini, but don't let this get you down. You might take this as a message that you should probably just take it easy and get some rest. Don't feel like you always have to push yourself to the limit. Life is not a contest. It should be enjoyed and savored. Times of calm and rest are as vital as times of play.
Pretty cool eh? :D
- Ak back on cloud nine like always ;)
Thursday, 11 June 2009
My Horoscope For Today
Gemini - June 11, 2009
"Connect with those who carry you upwards and encourage your fantasies today, instead of those who try to bring you back down to reality, dear Gemini. There is a need for you to shine more brightly than usual and there is no reason why this wish should not be granted. As long as you align yourself with admirable people and noble causes, everything will work out splendidly for you, so go for it."
Im not such a strong follower of daily horoscopes and I consider my self amongst those who read it just for fun however, after going through my horoscope reading for today I felt like smiling cos this kinda relates to what's been happening around me lately.. :)
Cheers!
"Connect with those who carry you upwards and encourage your fantasies today, instead of those who try to bring you back down to reality, dear Gemini. There is a need for you to shine more brightly than usual and there is no reason why this wish should not be granted. As long as you align yourself with admirable people and noble causes, everything will work out splendidly for you, so go for it."
Im not such a strong follower of daily horoscopes and I consider my self amongst those who read it just for fun however, after going through my horoscope reading for today I felt like smiling cos this kinda relates to what's been happening around me lately.. :)
Cheers!
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
Once Upon a Time in Compliance...
Compliance is an area which is generally described as dry and boring. The same is often labeled on those who work within the area of Compliance (Now this statement doesn’t exactly make me feel happy since I love my Job). So there we were one day on a typical Monday morning trying to go through those never ending emails with attachments the size of Mount Everest just begging to be reviewed and approved when we all started complaining about needing a break from this typical routine. Suddenly, Sabeen Hassan and Mona Khalid (Heading Regulatory Compliance and AML Compliance respectively) came up with an amazing idea (Ok, so it wasn’t exactly an idea of the century but it WAS something we all agreed on immediately which to me at least was a positive sign). What we came up with was spending an entire Saturday at the beach. The whole concept was just a silly joke initially and we started getting feedback from everyone on it when eventually the supposedly cool dude, yep, Mr. Bilal Rasul – Head of Financial Crimes (Don’t ya just LOVE the title?) entered and took the idea a bit too seriously and within an hour we were discussing what to arrange for lunch and getting into all the required details. At first the idea was just a small group at the beach for only people within our department but Bilal ever the genius suggested that we invite a few close friends from within B Bank as well. When everyone got to jotting down the number of possible invitees the list never seemed to come to an end keeping in mind the interactivity of Compliance with their fellow B members on a daily basis. With much editing we ended with a list of 50 people and that too of those whose names kept popping up in mind and unfortunately during the process even missed out names of some unintentionally (Though I still wonder why we were so restless while planning the whole thing – Guess it was the desperate need to run away from the work environment).
Unexpectedly a good bit of crowd showed up on the big day for which we all are thankful as the event wouldn’t have been a success without them. It was a bright and way too sunny Saturday afternoon but the excitement was definitely there. Some of our colleagues showed to enjoy with their kids, some were there just for the sake of hanging out and some were there to feel what it’s like being a fish. My first achievement of the day was convincing Saarim Hakim (Liabilities) to hit the water with me followed by which Sabeen and I decided to be a bit creative and started work on a Sand Castle which turned out to be so weird that we decided to take opinions and probed a happily walking Azam Akhtar (MT – IT) to guess what he saw before his eyes and to our absolute horror his guess was an Indian Temple so to cover up any further embarrassment Sabeen and I decided to call it a Mexican Hat (An ugly one at that!). Still desperate to come up with something Picasso would die for we decided to plunge for our next move and then it was ultimately decided to make a Mermaid out of Mr. Tariq Shakir (Risk) and we actually ended up doing a comparatively better job thanks to assistance offered by Tariq’s wife and Tariq’s amazing knowledge on female anatomy. Later, getting back to the hut we were greeted by a very enthusiastic Sara Zahid and Nida Rehman (AML and Training respectively - Compliance) trying to get people to dance on all the Desi Tracks they could come up with. Most of the people being a lil shy our interns decided to go for it and surprised us with some pretty spiffy moves especially on a Sindhi Tune which was a riot. So basically all the efforts put in by the Compliance team to make the event happening turned out to be fruitful as everyone managed to unwind at the beach and the day passed by nicely but most of all the supposedly dry people in Compliance managed to come up with something fun to do for a change.
Unexpectedly a good bit of crowd showed up on the big day for which we all are thankful as the event wouldn’t have been a success without them. It was a bright and way too sunny Saturday afternoon but the excitement was definitely there. Some of our colleagues showed to enjoy with their kids, some were there just for the sake of hanging out and some were there to feel what it’s like being a fish. My first achievement of the day was convincing Saarim Hakim (Liabilities) to hit the water with me followed by which Sabeen and I decided to be a bit creative and started work on a Sand Castle which turned out to be so weird that we decided to take opinions and probed a happily walking Azam Akhtar (MT – IT) to guess what he saw before his eyes and to our absolute horror his guess was an Indian Temple so to cover up any further embarrassment Sabeen and I decided to call it a Mexican Hat (An ugly one at that!). Still desperate to come up with something Picasso would die for we decided to plunge for our next move and then it was ultimately decided to make a Mermaid out of Mr. Tariq Shakir (Risk) and we actually ended up doing a comparatively better job thanks to assistance offered by Tariq’s wife and Tariq’s amazing knowledge on female anatomy. Later, getting back to the hut we were greeted by a very enthusiastic Sara Zahid and Nida Rehman (AML and Training respectively - Compliance) trying to get people to dance on all the Desi Tracks they could come up with. Most of the people being a lil shy our interns decided to go for it and surprised us with some pretty spiffy moves especially on a Sindhi Tune which was a riot. So basically all the efforts put in by the Compliance team to make the event happening turned out to be fruitful as everyone managed to unwind at the beach and the day passed by nicely but most of all the supposedly dry people in Compliance managed to come up with something fun to do for a change.
Sunday, 7 June 2009
This coming sometime after midnight...
The woman who would somewhere be around 27 walks up the bar and sit's quitely at the corner table. Not an extraordinay looking woman yet there is something about her which makes several eyes turn towards her direction which she cooly pretends not to notice. Observing the people around her she is deeply engrossed in relating every person in the bar with people she has come across in life. Trying to block out what's happened in the past she tries concentrating on the black woman performing on stage singing some dark lonely song in a langvage which is alien to her but somehow the dark music kinda soothes her down and she relaxes herself against the couch thinking about her parents... the moments spent with her girlfreinds back in school and college...the time when she started working... falling in love for the first time... the first kiss... the betrayal... the people who had loved her at the time she was broken yet she just could never reciprocate in the same fashion... the regret of eventually loosing those people... picking up her pieces again... mistaking the enemy for a friend... making a tough decision in life... and now succesfull yet alone in this mob full of people stabbing each other behind their backs with a fake smile plastered on their faces.
She smiles to herself when she notices a woman talking to her husband on the phone while sitting on a lap of some over weight, fat, ugly bastard placing a magnificent diamond ring on her finger. Disgusted by the scene like always is the woman closes her eyes and thinks about her accomplishments... on the outside everything seem's so perfect. There is no need for romance however, she is desperate for good company. Talking to a perfect stranger would be so nice... Yes, she decides... that's exactly what she needs... to communicate with a total stranger for hours and then without any promises of future meetings she could easily walk away. Thinking about this need she wonders is those might also feel who want a body to hold just for the sake of feeling wanted? Isnt her situation similar to such people? The only difference being that in her case all she wants is a person to talk to and then to leave without getting involved and light headed... is this how that woman in the bar might also feel? To have a physical relationship with a stranger and then leave feeling sexually satisfied and walk back to her boring husband who does not even know that she exists?
The young woman sighs and walks away from the bar outside where it is raining heavily... She closes her eyes and faces up towards the sky trying to enjoy the cold splashes of water upon her tired closed eyes... All she wonders is where life will take her next... Do we even know or care about what is right or wrong anymore? Do we even have a right to judge other people through their antics in personal life? Nobody know's for sure when this journey is going to end... Can someone really get so close to someone to come up and claim that they know EVERYTHING about the other?
The woman tired of rumaging her mind heads back to her apartment and pack... She plans to head back home and talk to dear dad... she does not need a stranger... Yes, she'll talk to dad and enjoy mom's fussings and take a walk with her brother and switch off her cell phone off... Only she wonder's if it isnt too late to head back to the old haunts....
She smiles to herself when she notices a woman talking to her husband on the phone while sitting on a lap of some over weight, fat, ugly bastard placing a magnificent diamond ring on her finger. Disgusted by the scene like always is the woman closes her eyes and thinks about her accomplishments... on the outside everything seem's so perfect. There is no need for romance however, she is desperate for good company. Talking to a perfect stranger would be so nice... Yes, she decides... that's exactly what she needs... to communicate with a total stranger for hours and then without any promises of future meetings she could easily walk away. Thinking about this need she wonders is those might also feel who want a body to hold just for the sake of feeling wanted? Isnt her situation similar to such people? The only difference being that in her case all she wants is a person to talk to and then to leave without getting involved and light headed... is this how that woman in the bar might also feel? To have a physical relationship with a stranger and then leave feeling sexually satisfied and walk back to her boring husband who does not even know that she exists?
The young woman sighs and walks away from the bar outside where it is raining heavily... She closes her eyes and faces up towards the sky trying to enjoy the cold splashes of water upon her tired closed eyes... All she wonders is where life will take her next... Do we even know or care about what is right or wrong anymore? Do we even have a right to judge other people through their antics in personal life? Nobody know's for sure when this journey is going to end... Can someone really get so close to someone to come up and claim that they know EVERYTHING about the other?
The woman tired of rumaging her mind heads back to her apartment and pack... She plans to head back home and talk to dear dad... she does not need a stranger... Yes, she'll talk to dad and enjoy mom's fussings and take a walk with her brother and switch off her cell phone off... Only she wonder's if it isnt too late to head back to the old haunts....
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