Stress and tension in life occur when one welcomes the same. I firmly believe that 95% of what happens in our lives is due to our own actions.
Almost every day I assess myself and this habit helps me take decisions on personal and professional levels both. People who have left me due to whichever reason still manage to hurt me one way or the other because I myself have maintained some kind of a contact with them so I blame my self for the additional pain. Similarly people who I consider my friends are just not able to understand me and take even the minorist thing I say a bit too seriously often throw a remark or opinion about me which really hurts. My bad is that why am I listening to such people or letting them effect me in anyway especially since I know I havent performed any evil trick on them? If they dont understand my sense of humour or I dont understand their's for that matter than what's the point of knowing each other when we actually DONT know each other?
Just last to last night while offering my prayers this sudden realization just hit me that I CAN actually control what I feel. Maybe I am just too tired these days that I absolutely refuse to hear sarcastic comments thrown towards me. You know why? It's because I just dont care!! I am 23. I have a perfectly beautiful career ahead of me. My family loves and is proud of me. I have a whole life ahead of me... Besides if somebody shoots me today and I die would all that I have here really matter? It isnt as if I am taking my award certificate to my grave... even if I do the rats would nibble it out anyways!!! (Okhay so for a second I got a very weird image in mind - On second thoughts I am NOT ready to die because my dear God has blessed me a lot!!)
People come and go in your life. I am tired of maintaining relationships. I am tired of even making the smallest of effort! For once I am gonna sit back, do my thing and wait for is left in store for me. Next time I see a crying face telling me what a BITCH I am for no apparent reason trust me I will kill that person on the spot.
As I go through this lil entry of mine I realise this is an unhappy post indeed but I want to put an end to this blog right here right NOW this moment! I am moving to wordpress and it feels sad to stop working on this blog but I decided I wanted to change everything so this baby should come to an end aswell.
It was fun working on this lil blog of mine.
Cheers,
AK signing out forever!
Wednesday, 4 November 2009
Monday, 2 November 2009
FRIENDS!!!!!!!
Originally I had thought of writing down something really sickeningly sweet and emotional for my freinds as tonight I have been going through old blogs where freinds commented, old photographs of times when life was plain silly and we were simply stupid and used to try to act cool cheweing gums and all ... :D But somehow I feel words just cant be enough to define what a freind really is so I decided to be more practical and simply list down the names of those who mean to me and I want to keep as my freinds till the day i die...
(Before I start please note that i am NOT jotting down names in order of preference. I'll write names as they keep on popping up to mind - And remember that I love you guys equally and u guys are great cos u mean something to me!)
Ayesha Kamran Khan
Rahat Salman
Nuha Usman
Sana Khurshid
Omer Arshad
Aamir Haroon Manghi
Lubna Shahid
Marina Khan
Amna Khushnud
Nida Aslam
Maryam Hassan Rizvi
Zehra Hassan Rizvi
It's amazing really how large a circle of freinds a person might have but the above listed people are the one's who have really touched my heart at some point of my life and it doesnt really matter if we arent in touch anymore... I love you guys!
Saturday, 31 October 2009
Excitement, Anxiety, Nervousness - All Together and ME!!!
My current state of mind is pretty screwed up at the moment. I feel restless todo something constructive!!! I am so SOOO SOOOOOOOOOOoOOOO looking forward to next week... I have never felt so giddy with excitement, anxiousness and nervosness before!
My heart is beating at a much MUCH MUCHHHH faster pace, my mind for the first time kinds agrees with me and tomorrow i.e Sunday seems as if it's never gonna come and go! To kill some time have a look at the "art" I have been working on. Well it's not what I would call serious art (and I swear if my art teachers would see this they would snatch away and shred my bachelors degree - Fine arts was one of my majors by the way!) but what the heck I am excited!!!
- AK with finger crossed and smiling at God!
My heart is beating at a much MUCH MUCHHHH faster pace, my mind for the first time kinds agrees with me and tomorrow i.e Sunday seems as if it's never gonna come and go! To kill some time have a look at the "art" I have been working on. Well it's not what I would call serious art (and I swear if my art teachers would see this they would snatch away and shred my bachelors degree - Fine arts was one of my majors by the way!) but what the heck I am excited!!!
- AK with finger crossed and smiling at God!
Friday, 30 October 2009
It's a BIG Crazy World!!!
Yep! I dont really believe in when people say "Oh it's a small small world!" Trust me this statement is BULL!!! In AK's world the truly accurate statement would be "Oh it's a HUGE and quite CRAZY world!!" You see, this globe we have proudly named The Earth is filled with morons and whacky people.
I thought good education was supposed to broaden an individual's perspective towards life and people around him / her. Trust me all the education in the world can NEVER change what goes into this COCONUT we have for a head!
At work I am open and freindly with people within my department only. Dont get me wrong, I am not some anti social person but I prefer keeping an arm's length distance with people I dont really have to interact with - AGAIn, i am not trying to give an impression that I am very choosy, it's just that I take time in reaching a certain comfort level with people. So anyways, as I was saying I am totally not in very open and warm freindly terms with people outside the area of Compliance (<-- that's what my pesky dpt is called!) Having said that, I dress to please my self and my sense of dressing is not usually what is "IN" during the current days. I rather prefer dressing up in something which I find looks trendy and smart on me. If I am not up for dressing up then I simply wear whatever I feel comfortable in. Now coming over to point number three, I have been raised by parents who believe a female should have as equal rights as man and so going through childhood and then my teens to reaching where I stand at 23 today I have never really had to face an incident whereby I feel I am inferior to a man. I love my friends and never hesitate to show my affection towards them or my family. I have a lot of guy freinds who I would define as pure "buddies" and the reason why we are freinds is that we all share common interests. When some guy passing by finds me cute (yep I am pretty too for some people! :P) and smiles at me I dont feel a faint blush creeping up my face and accept the appreciation with a slight nod (And that too if the guy is cute else I pretend he's not even there! Okhay so I am being bitchy but being in the current mood and this being MY blog I have every right to be one)I am not some mighty female character out of that "MEAN GIRLS" movie who you would love to hate and secretly think "DAMN she's HOT" and yes I have come across times where I have been put to my place with a classic insult from some very rare intelligent individual when I am being VERY bitchy and annoying. I come across my time of pride too when I put someone on his or her place by throwing some really juicy sarcastic remark if that person annoys me!
Now just go through what I have written above and tell me honestly keeping in view my flaws and good points (if any) do I really give an impression of a female who would be very "EASY" to approach <- just for your information, somebody commented about my being all this just because last week at work a colleague dropped by who also happens to be a freind and unfortunately a GUY, shook hands with me as a gesture to say "hello" and that was that!
I usually pass by the office kitchen to request one of the peons to make me a warm cup of coffee as I cannot tolerate the extremely high airconditions being run on the premises and I see a fellow colleague standing at the corner for a smoke so as I pass by him I say "Hi" and chat for less than a minute and SOMEBODY commented that drugs and hard drinks are not a problem for THIS girl (What the %&#$%#%$#&^%$@%$???)
I am sitting with a group of people where a topic of AIDS and other sexual related diseases comes up and I share whatever limited knowledge I have on the topic and I get to hear -> "I am telling you boss, the girls got experience" (!!!)
The MOST saddest part in this story is that I get to hear this from a resource which is famous on the floors for being majorly dramatic and a queen of gossip. Also specializes in putting two and two together and usually coming up to five!
In all honesty whether what I have been told is true or not all that come's to mind is that what did all these people achieve in earning themselves degrees in Business Administration, Charetered Accountacy or Economics?
- Ak leaves this blog for the readers (If any *errr*) with a BIG, SAD and DRAMATIC *sigh*
I thought good education was supposed to broaden an individual's perspective towards life and people around him / her. Trust me all the education in the world can NEVER change what goes into this COCONUT we have for a head!
At work I am open and freindly with people within my department only. Dont get me wrong, I am not some anti social person but I prefer keeping an arm's length distance with people I dont really have to interact with - AGAIn, i am not trying to give an impression that I am very choosy, it's just that I take time in reaching a certain comfort level with people. So anyways, as I was saying I am totally not in very open and warm freindly terms with people outside the area of Compliance (<-- that's what my pesky dpt is called!) Having said that, I dress to please my self and my sense of dressing is not usually what is "IN" during the current days. I rather prefer dressing up in something which I find looks trendy and smart on me. If I am not up for dressing up then I simply wear whatever I feel comfortable in. Now coming over to point number three, I have been raised by parents who believe a female should have as equal rights as man and so going through childhood and then my teens to reaching where I stand at 23 today I have never really had to face an incident whereby I feel I am inferior to a man. I love my friends and never hesitate to show my affection towards them or my family. I have a lot of guy freinds who I would define as pure "buddies" and the reason why we are freinds is that we all share common interests. When some guy passing by finds me cute (yep I am pretty too for some people! :P) and smiles at me I dont feel a faint blush creeping up my face and accept the appreciation with a slight nod (And that too if the guy is cute else I pretend he's not even there! Okhay so I am being bitchy but being in the current mood and this being MY blog I have every right to be one)I am not some mighty female character out of that "MEAN GIRLS" movie who you would love to hate and secretly think "DAMN she's HOT" and yes I have come across times where I have been put to my place with a classic insult from some very rare intelligent individual when I am being VERY bitchy and annoying. I come across my time of pride too when I put someone on his or her place by throwing some really juicy sarcastic remark if that person annoys me!
Now just go through what I have written above and tell me honestly keeping in view my flaws and good points (if any) do I really give an impression of a female who would be very "EASY" to approach <- just for your information, somebody commented about my being all this just because last week at work a colleague dropped by who also happens to be a freind and unfortunately a GUY, shook hands with me as a gesture to say "hello" and that was that!
I usually pass by the office kitchen to request one of the peons to make me a warm cup of coffee as I cannot tolerate the extremely high airconditions being run on the premises and I see a fellow colleague standing at the corner for a smoke so as I pass by him I say "Hi" and chat for less than a minute and SOMEBODY commented that drugs and hard drinks are not a problem for THIS girl (What the %&#$%#%$#&^%$@%$???)
I am sitting with a group of people where a topic of AIDS and other sexual related diseases comes up and I share whatever limited knowledge I have on the topic and I get to hear -> "I am telling you boss, the girls got experience" (!!!)
The MOST saddest part in this story is that I get to hear this from a resource which is famous on the floors for being majorly dramatic and a queen of gossip. Also specializes in putting two and two together and usually coming up to five!
In all honesty whether what I have been told is true or not all that come's to mind is that what did all these people achieve in earning themselves degrees in Business Administration, Charetered Accountacy or Economics?
- Ak leaves this blog for the readers (If any *errr*) with a BIG, SAD and DRAMATIC *sigh*
Sunday, 11 October 2009
A Dear Diary Kinda Post
Dear Bloggie,
As usual I spent part of my day thanking Allah for all that I have. Im not trying to pose as an "Oh so humble and religious person" (If you would have seen my mom lecturing me on dressing earlier in the morning you would know what I am talking about)but yes lately I keep realizing how fortunate I am. Weirdly so I started wondering today when I would finally get the hell out of this world and see what it'slike up there and amazingly for the first time this thought didnt crate a shudder within my body like it always used to do...
Anyyyway! I think the above para sounded a bit too philosophical but was voicing out my thoughts. So basically something I wrote on my OTHER blog I am maintaining at Wordpress got published in our Barclays newsletter "eBarc" so "yiipeee!"
Work is going pretty smooth and I am getting along fine with every one (Ok so that sounded as I am some high school nut but what the heck! Life aint really so bad)
My mom made memake FISH today for dinner and trust me after seeing a proper fish being cut off and cleaned and then prepared for cooking I absolutely REFUSE to go near a fish resturaunt anymore. I am sick to my head just thinking about eating a fish! Blech!
- AK with her usual business signing off
As usual I spent part of my day thanking Allah for all that I have. Im not trying to pose as an "Oh so humble and religious person" (If you would have seen my mom lecturing me on dressing earlier in the morning you would know what I am talking about)but yes lately I keep realizing how fortunate I am. Weirdly so I started wondering today when I would finally get the hell out of this world and see what it'slike up there and amazingly for the first time this thought didnt crate a shudder within my body like it always used to do...
Anyyyway! I think the above para sounded a bit too philosophical but was voicing out my thoughts. So basically something I wrote on my OTHER blog I am maintaining at Wordpress got published in our Barclays newsletter "eBarc" so "yiipeee!"
Work is going pretty smooth and I am getting along fine with every one (Ok so that sounded as I am some high school nut but what the heck! Life aint really so bad)
My mom made memake FISH today for dinner and trust me after seeing a proper fish being cut off and cleaned and then prepared for cooking I absolutely REFUSE to go near a fish resturaunt anymore. I am sick to my head just thinking about eating a fish! Blech!
- AK with her usual business signing off
Monday, 5 October 2009
SHEMALE!
Quite an interesting topic for my blog isn’t it? Relax I am not going to post anything X rated here. I have had an extremely long and tiring day at work today. The temperature in Karachi city is running really hot these days so air conditioners are being used in full swing in my office these days. I am placed at the head office and we have a big floor where most departments except a few are segregated with workstations only. It’s fun to sit like this though as you can easily take a break and have a good chat with a colleague from another department without attracting attention. Anyway the floor being all open the ACs were turned on to the highest level which actually started giving me muscular pains (Ever since I joined this organization a year back I have been going through this problem and the result is that there is no AC / room cooler in my room anymore).
Anyways, suffering from the muscular pain, deadly tired due to excessive work and hungry as well I was completely drained out and waiting for my brother to come and pick me from work who took his good time in reaching my office as he first had to shower, then get in touch with his fiancé via SMS, select the “right” CD to listen in the car while driving towards me etc. Fortunately he only showed up 20 minutes late which wasn’t too bad so I skipped the steps happily down the building at exactly 9:30 PM then sat through the torture of listening to my brothers discovery of new health clubs where he never goes but likes to brag about anyway! He wouldn’t even let me listen to the radio and If I would sit quietly even for 20 seconds he would start looking at me say, “Hain? Hain? Bolo! Bolo na! What do u think???” and then I had to take the pains in moving my head in a nod. When we finally reached home the first thing I did was hug my dad as usual then kissed my mom on the forehead and headed towards my room to take a nice long shower, came out, quietly had my dinner as I just couldn’t bring my self to start a conversation with anyone cos I was just too tired. And as I now sit relaxed wearing my fave black tank top with my blue pair of Pajama’s I cant help feeling how a tired man after a horribly busy day at work would feel after reaching home. I can totally understand a man’s need to be want to be left alone for some peace and quiet. How they must hate to have their wives yelling at them to sit and talk and hear them about what wonderful cloths and jewelery they saw at Tariq Road or what her neighbor friend purchased for her living room. Trust me, all that would make a man happy would be to be greeted with a smiling face, a nice warm meal, comfortable cloths ready after he takes a shower followed by a nice cup of hot tea and a slight head massage from his wife while he enjoys his tea. My self being a die hard feminist, under normal circumstances I would have voiced in favor of women about how they spend the whole day looking after their home and children and not being properly able to speak to their husbands all day. I would have taken a woman’s side on her sentiments for wanting to yabber all her day’s episode to her husband cos basically she DID miss her husband all day and deserves his attention. But if she makes her husband happy by soothing his nerves wouldn’t he WANT to come back to his wife and spend time in her company every night? Besides Sunday’s and Saturday evenings are good enough for some good family and friend’s outings right?
In case you guys are still wondering what the topic of this blog has got to do with this entry is… well me being a FEMALE actually understanding the GUY perspective… you understand what Im saying?
A lazily smiling AK
Monday, 28 September 2009
My Horoscope - Monday September 28th 2009
Gemini - September 28, 2009
An increased focus, clarity of mind, and sense of concentration could lead to success in career matters and an increase in income, dear Gemini. Intuitive insights can provide practical guidance that helps you along the path of advancement. A friend could give you some good advice with regard to savings plans, investments, or a more efficient use of your resources. This could be a fruitful day, opening up new doors for you. Make the most of it!
After going through the bestest motivational factor required at a lil incident at work today I am bound to really start believing in this Zodiac thing.
AK on Cloud Nine!
An increased focus, clarity of mind, and sense of concentration could lead to success in career matters and an increase in income, dear Gemini. Intuitive insights can provide practical guidance that helps you along the path of advancement. A friend could give you some good advice with regard to savings plans, investments, or a more efficient use of your resources. This could be a fruitful day, opening up new doors for you. Make the most of it!
After going through the bestest motivational factor required at a lil incident at work today I am bound to really start believing in this Zodiac thing.
AK on Cloud Nine!
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